The Perfect Crime (2014)

Image above: Laura Dee Milnes, The Perfect Crime (2014) feat. Aaron Wright. Photo by Shaahin Shahablou

Two shady characters appear in a park in Walthamstow one Saturday afternoon, both wearing shiny trench coats, shades and suspicious hairstyles. One lumbers a huge body bag, which is unceremoniously dumped in the middle of the park, the other looks shifty and nervously clutches a handbag. An extension lead is pulled violently from a socket in The Winns Gallery. The body bag is ripped open and a giant pvc entity is unfurled. An orange plastic hoover gun is produced from the handbag and plugged in. One of the shady ladies unzips the pvc blob and climbs inside. The blob is sealed, with the lady in it.

The Perfect Crime by Laura Dee Milnes 2014, photo by Ben Ripley

Image above: Laura Dee Milnes, The Perfect Crime (2014) feat. Aaron Wright. Photo by Ben Ripley

The orange plastic hoover gun is inserted clumsily into the blob and turned on. Loud, obnoxious hoover sounds for a long time. Sweating. Shifty glances.

The Perfect Crime by Laura Dee Milnes (2014), photo by Shaahin Shahablou

Image above: Laura Dee Milnes, The Perfect Crime (2014) feat. Aaron Wright. Photo by Shaahin Shahablou

The Perfect Crime by Laura Dee Milnes (2014), photo by Ben Ripley

Image above: Laura Dee Milnes, The Perfect Crime (2014) feat. Aaron Wright. Photo by Ben Ripley

The blob becomes semi-inflated. The hoover gun ceases to blow. The shady lady in the bubble attempts to stand and walk, pulling piles of pvc blob over her head to make some progress on her journey into the park. The other shady lady with a beard follows closely.

Photo by Shaahin Shahablou

Image above: Laura Dee Milnes, The Perfect Crime (2014) feat. Aaron Wright. Photo by Shaahin Shahablou

Children gather, following alongside, behind, in front of the blob and its inhabitant until one by one, they begin to push it, fall on it, ride their bikes into it and fly kick it. The inhabitant is knocked off her feet, her wig knocked off her head and her glasses knocked off her face. Boys aged between 5 and 15 fling themselves and all their weight upon the half inflated ball and the shady lady inside it, who has ceased to be human, has no gender, has no fragility and is entirely a performer, not a person until the fly kicks are halted and she is unzipped.

All the boys want to try her wig on. Nearly all of them are surprised she is really a “girl”. One of them mistakes her own hair for a second wig, hidden underneath the first. One of them asks her if she liked his fly kick. Another asks “why did you do that?”

All the adults took photographs. One adult tried to stop the fly kicking. One adult succeeded.

Presented at The Winns Gallery, London as part of Ideas From Else[W]here and Steakhouse Jam,  5 July 2014.

Photo by Shaahin Shahablou

Image above: Laura Dee Milnes, The Perfect Crime (2014) feat. Aaron Wright. Photo by Shaahin Shahablou
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